20 things the twilight gang can not do
by rosaliesfavoritewerewolf
Summary: its just a funny list of 20 things they can't do warning gay/lez rosalie/alice emmett/jasper .


I dont own twilight duh :p

20 THINGS THE TWILIGHT GANG ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO

1. controlling emmetts emotions when he's mad at Jasper, because after that Edward's mind is tainted.

Jasper: Hey wer'e not that bad.

emmett: Yeah, tell that to Rosalie and alice.

Edward: You have no control over your thoughts.

Jasper : *thinks something dirty*

Edward: NO! MY BRAAAAAAA-IN!

Esme: Children, behave.

Edward: ***** you Jasper.

anyone's car.

Jasper: We only did that to Rosalie when she graduated.

Alice: Yeah.

Rosalie: Yes, and I have graduated twenty times, the paint wouldn't come off, and I had to pay 100$ to get it removed.

Carlisle: Rose calm down, that was three years ago.

3. canceling Alice's credit card.

Jasper: *Laughs*

Alice: THAT WASN'T ***** FUNNY!

Emmett: Yeah, it actually was.

Edward: Agreed.

Alice: Damn you all.

Esme: Language Alice.

Rosalie:don't worry baby ill get you a knew one.

Alice:do you mean it.

Rosalie:only the best for my baby.

Alice:ive got something for you.

Edward:NO!MY BRAAAAAAAAA-IN *  
4. punishing Jasper, announcing publicly that there will be no "love" for 5 weeks *  
Emmett: How about that punishment isn't allowed ever.

Nessie: Ew.

Jasper: You never learn anyway.

Edward: MY BRAAAAAAAIN!

5. telling Jasper, or anyone else for that matter, what they are getting for their birthday, and yes, Alice, this is aimed for you.

Alice: Well, you always ask.

Esme: No we don't.

Carlisle: I did.

Esme: Carlisle you're not helping.

Edward: He never does.

*  
6. telling Nessie about any of your escapades, even when she's thirty.

Nessie: Why?

Edward: Because, I don't want them filling you and Jacob's heads with ideas.

Bella: Edward, they're married.

Edward: but it's weird.

Alice: think it's awaesome.

Edward: MY BRAAAAAAA-IN!

7. taking Nessie shopping for lingerie until she is eighteen, or never if Edward has something to do with it.

Nessie: Dad, I'm twenty-two.

Edward: Shut-up

Bella: Edward!

Esme: Why?

8. saying "Voldermort, or Michael Jackson" to make Jasper do something.

Jasper: AAAAAAAH!

Rosalie: *laughs*

Alice: But it's the only way.

Esme: True.

Jasper: You are all disowned by me now.

Emmett: Let's just cross that one off the list.

Carlisle: Yes.

Jasper: AAAAAAAH!

9. using your empathy or phsycic powers against someone.

Jasper: but I like making Eric feel lusty around Mike.

Edward: *laughs*

Bella: That's disgusting!

Esme: Yes, how could you do that?

Jasper: Well, I'm doing this family favors.

Bella: Michael Jackson.

Jasper: AAAAAAAAAAH!

10. Never again set "Like a Virgin" to Edward's ring-tone.

Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie: *laughs*

Bella: That was mean.

Edward: Yes, that was embarrassing.

Nessie and Jacob: *laughs*

Edward: Oh, shut-up.

11. referring to Edward as the "110 year old virgin who finally did it."

Alice: But it's true.

Jasper: Yeah.

Edward: Yes it is, but it's not funny anymore, hell it never was funny.

Bella: *laughs*

Edward: What's so funny

Bella: Well you have to admit, it is true.

Edward: SHUT-UP!

Rosalie: You've said that like five times already.

Edward: *facepalm*

12. making Emmett cry by saying he's your least favorite sibling.

Emmett: Alice that was mean.

Alice: But it's true.

Emmett: *Runs away crying*

Esme and Carlisle: *facepalm*

13. stating, "Edward was gay, until he met Bella and had bloodlust, so he just went with it to not feel like an outsider."

Alice: That's true to.

Edward: SHUT-UP!

Rosalie: Oh come on, we've all seen Little Ashes.

Edward: The guy just looks like me.

Jasper: Are you sure that wasn't you?

Edward: Oh my God, I hate you all, exept you Bella love.

14. sticking forks up Jasper's butt.

Jasper: What?

Rosalie: Okay I wrote that one. *laughs*

Jasper: I do not have a fork up my butt.

Rosalie: Well you sure look like it half the time.

Everyone except Jazz: *laughs*

Edward: Sorry buddy, it's true.

Jasper: *growls* You all are cruel.

15. prank calling Mike and telling him Bella and Edward are divorced.

Emmett: Although that did have a hilarious outcome.

Alice: Yeah, Mike showing up at Charlie's with Roses.

Bella: That was embarrassing.

Edward: Yeah, and it had Charlie frantic.

Jasper: I thought it was funny.

16. calling the house our "Den of Sin"

Esme: People were suspecting things.

Alice: I agree, people hate us enough.

Jasper: Well, I'd keep it that way.

Rosalie: You stole my line!

17. reffering to Edward as the "110 year-old virgin who, thought he could, thought he couldn't."

Esme: Who wrote this list?

Emmett: *comes down stairs* Me.

Carlisle: You have a perverted mind.

Rosalie: What? Alice and Jazz were the ones who said it first.

Edward: *facepalm*

18. VOLDERMORT!

Jasper: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Alice: Why?

Rosalie: Because it's funny.

Jasper: *whimpers* You are all so cruel.

19. ***** in anyone else's rooms while they're hunting, because something always gets broken, and wer'e tired of finding your underwear in various places.

Jasper: Um, sorry.

Emmett: Oops.

Alice: You guys are sick.

Jasper: Hey at least we don't tear down houses!

Rosalie: That's because you're not having as much fun.

Jasper: EEEEEEEEEEEEW!

Edward: MY BRAAAAAAA-IN!

Bella: You guys are melting his brain.

Rosalie: You can't melt what you never had.

20. provoking the Volturi, then controlling their emotions when they get here to make them happy and hug you, then protest for world peace.

Jasper: Oh yeah, Jane made me feel that one.

Alice: *laughs maniacly*

Everyone: *Turns their head conspitiously to her.*

Alice: Sorry.

Rosalie: Old age is getting to her.

Alice: Excuse me. Since this is private NO *** FOR FIVE WEEKS!

Rosalie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Alice: Voldermort.

Jasper: *Runs away in screaming terror*

*  
hope u liked it..it was just a laugh matter...!

A/N:ok so this is a list of 20 things the twilight gang can't do so i swicthed the the pairning's its emmettxjasper &alicexrosalie

P.S-i love the gay/lesbian pairings and i realy love rosaliexalice there cute togher,and if i make anyone made anyone angry with this too baadd :] cause im just tht kind of kid i am!! 


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